Life Sentences

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Hello there, wide world web.  It's been a minute.  Not much has happened since I last posted (that's a lie).  Life is slow (also a lie).  Things are great (lie lie lie).

In all honesty, things have been rough - for me, for the world.  The idea of posting about anything on this blog was overwhelming.  Still is actually.  But decided that maybe blogging is something that could be healing, helping me to process some of the things going on as well as practice the skill of speaking truth and not apologizing or panicking about it afterwards.

Here goes...

A couple of Fridays ago, I found myself on a busy Metra train during my commute home.  The train was unusually crowded, but something was different this time.  Passenger upon passenger was glued to their phones, anxiously looking out the windows, crowding each other, willing the train to leave Union Station.  While the Metra line I ride is made up of predominantly white passengers this commute seemed to magnify that fact tenfold.  Each passenger, in their own mind, was trying to escape the city.

See, what had happened about 30 minutes prior to this scene - nearly half the City of Chicago was "dismissed" from their work duties.  Not those who work to keep the city running and clean and "normal" but those who work in the tall sky scrapers, physically removed from the grit and grime of Chicago.  We had been excused because of the threat of riots - the Jason Van Dyke verdict was about to be read and the City was bracing for disaster.  I'm still not entirely sure what we were bracing for - the verdict coming back that he was not guilty of murdering a young man (16 shots. In the back. Laquan held a knife.  He was mentally ill.) and the anger would overtake the city (as it should), or that the verdict would come back that he was guilty and the celebrations would overtake the city.  To me, it felt as if the city and authorities had already rendered the verdict: NOT GUILTY, and the white folks were escaping because they didn't want to get caught in the anger of the black community.

I found myself puzzled as to what the right thing to do was.  Should I stay and be ready to be angry at the injustice - assume that people and government agencies and court systems are unjust?  Should I assume that justice will be served?  Should I add my voice to those celebrating the victory of a guilty verdict and yet calling for more?  Should I take advantage of the early dismissal and go see my kids?

I left.  I felt cowardly as I rode that train to my suburban oasis.

The verdict came down and Jason Van Dyke was found guilty of second degree murder as well as 16 counts of aggravated assault.  He will most likely be in jail for the rest of his life.  His life for Laquan's life.  Seems fair.  But is it?

I've been thinking a lot about this idea of actions having sweeping and life altering effects on a person.  As I've watched the Brett Kavanaugh debacle unfold, I've been struck with the argument that a "mistake" this man made when he was in high school should not have far-reaching and life altering impact on his life.  "He was just a kid."  And then I have watched as the women in my life have told me the stories of assault that have single-handedly altered the trajectories of their lives/relationships/career choices, and I'm confused.  I also look at the number of black men who make a "mistake" like playing with a toy gun, or wearing a hoodie, or telling a police officer that they have a gun in the glove box like they are supposed to when they are pulled over, or selling cigarettes on the corner, and that those mistakes have also single-handedly changed the course of their lives - they have been killed. 

I'm confused about our commitment to life sentences.

Jason Van Dyke had over 20 complaints against him throughout his career as a police officer - complaints ranging from using excessive force to using racial slurs.  All of them were acquitted.  Jason Van Dyke was given over 20 instances of forgiveness without rectifying his behavior.  Brett Kavanaugh had numerous complaints against him as well - mostly about his drinking and inappropriate behavior and treatment of women.  He was given many instances of forgiveness without rectifying his behavior as well.

Our society is obsessed with coming to conclusions about people.  That person is good, that person is evil, that person is liberal, that person is conservative, that person has a mental illness, that person is fat.  We feel comfortable when we can summarize people.  And God forbid we are falsely characterized - it can take years if ever to redefine yourself.  And sometimes, those characteristics can predestine us to succeed or fail.

Somewhere along the way, Jason and Brett were deemed "good guys."  And therefore, that stereotype worked in their favor, allowing them latitude to make mistakes and bend the rules.  Somewhere along the way, Laquan Macdonald, Philando Castile, Sandra Bland, Walter Scott (and on and on), were deemed "bad."  And honestly, that somewhere?  Probably birth.

I don't pretend to know the answer to this, but I do know that living in a world of life convictions is scary and unfair and unjust.  And these polarizing stereotypes only seem to be getting more pronounced.  We are deeply divided and fearful of each other.

What if instead of coming to conclusions, we assumed good intent of everyone?  Or what if we held each other accountable to mistakes that we know can cause serious damage in the future?  What if one of Jason's colleagues had called him out about using racial slurs and educated him about how those words trigger people, the historical meaning behind them, and how language like that most likely means he has bias that can impact his ability to respond appropriately in high stress situations?  Or what if one of Brett's friends made sure to walk him home after a long night of drinking, or what if one of the people who caught wind of his behavior confronted him about it at the time or informed an authority?  Told him that talking about women in such a derogatory tone could impact his ability to fairly judge in a courtroom.  What if we each felt the responsibility to correct behavior?

In our family, when one of our kids breaks a rule, we have a menu of "punishments" that we decide upon using given the situation.  We send the kids to time out, take away a coin from their piggy banks, limit use of tv for a week, etc.  But we always have a conversation after the emotions have subsided.  The conversation is centered around the "why" of the punishment and a commitment from both parties to do better in the future.  Additionally, we ask the kids to seek out the person they have upset and apologize.  This might seem elementary (it is), but I think our society stops too quickly.  We either punish or don't punish.  We don't have conversations, and we don't seek to right our wrongs against those we've harmed.  We also rarely see things from another's perspective.

I rode that train home and walked into my safe and warm house and hugged my children - grateful to have avoided the commuting annoyances I was sure would come from the trial, but I also removed myself from a conversation about how to be a better member of society.  I can be better - I can participate in those conversations with people about behaviors I know full well can lead to dangerous and unhealthy situations.  I can also work to stop falsely characterizing others as checking off boxes 1,2, or 3.  We are multi-faceted beings that are filled with complexities and contradictions, we owe it to each other to learn more and to speak truth when something has the potential to harm.

Maybe next time, I'll wait for a later train.

Staying Awake

In church on Sunday, the lessons we heard focused on staying awake.  I tend to be only able to walk away from a Sunday service these days with a word or an image, so forgive me if I'm shrinking down centuries of interpretation, but this is where I'm at.

Staying awake.

I'm notoriously sleepy.  I fall asleep the second a movie comes on that doesn't immediately capture my attention.  When I try to read, I fall asleep within the first paragraph.  If I'm asked to drive a car in the evening, I decline because I know I will most likely put the passengers in danger because of my near narcoleptic tendencies. 

The moments in my life where this sleepiness has caused the most issues has been those early and sleepless nights with my children.  My son was a terrible sleeper as an infant and only was able to fall asleep if a) he was nursing or b) he was being held in a cloth carrier while being walked and bounced and patted in front of our oven's exhaust fan.  I always chose option a.  But the problem with option a is that it was one that required me to fight my impulses to fall asleep.  As I sat there in the middle of the night, holding this child in the dark who had finally quieted, the most natural thing to do was sleep.  But almost every parenting book in the world will tell you this is a terrible idea - that falling asleep with a baby in your lap/lying next to you is dangerous.  So, I had to fight it.

I did everything one could do on a phone (and what on earth would people do before smartphones??), but still found myself bobbing and drifting, and most nights, I would be awoken by either my husband or the baby moving or breathing, alerting me to my mistake.

Stay awake.

After processing what I heard at church and my initial bristling at the idea - I started to wonder about the moments in my life where I haven't had trouble staying awake.  To be honest, there have only been a few.  Those nights where I've been so scared about what the morning brings that I couldn't do anything to bring about sleep.  Those nights where I've writhed in pain with the pending births of my children.  More often than not, staying awake has been due to my desire to sleep and inability to make it happen, not an active choice on my part.  Those nights I can immediately recall, can tap into their feelings in my memory, can taste the desperation and loneliness.  But I was awake.  And I was ready for what was to come.

Those evenings of insomnia have been more frequent this past year - with life changes and of course, a terrifying political climate, I find my mind racing at night - unable to quiet enough to sleep.  I have even felt moments where I dread the coming darkness because I see the hours laid out in front of me.

But maybe that's the point.

Advent is a time of darkness, a time where we really look at the emptiness around us.  Really see our needs and lacking laid out in front of us.  It's almost like a month of insomnia.  Something we'd rather close our eyes to, rather rush through - but these are the days that remind us that we are alone and in need of something, anything. R
esurrection.

This Advent season feels different to me.  I want to sleep, but can't.  I want to look away, but can't.  The darkness is all around.  I'm hopeful that rest comes soon.

Owning White Privilege – I’ll Go First

 

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So, these last few days have been awful.  I’ve been glued to the news coming out of Charlottesville to the point of putting my family and health at risk.  And to be perfectly honest, the week building up to white supremacist terror attack haven’t been easy either.  But beyond the terror of the Trump presidency and the fear of the world ending, I’ve found myself in some very emotional places.

First, my job.  This place is amazing.  It sent out its Semi-Annual Diversity Progress Report and while, of course, there is work to do, a big milestone was met with 55% of employees here being people of color.  I’ve never worked anywhere where this information is so widely circulated and/or this initiative is so widely supported and emphasized.  We also had a lunch and learn session last week on the subject of white privilege.  These conversations are always so uncomfortable, only more so since I’m still relatively new here, but it was eye opening as they always are.  I walked away feeling more confused and am still trying to unpack what to do.

Then on Friday I attended a forum on the “Future of Chicago” focused on violence in our city.  While all good in theory, the forum was led by 2 white people of means and significant privilege who avoided a question about how there was a noticeable absence in perspective on the stage.

And then Charlottesville.

What appears to be happening (to me too) is once again this white amazement of the severity of the situation, and the “this is not us/this is not me” conversation.  But what I’m hearing from people of color is once again, this is not new and yes this is us, but also this is YOU.  And while I can get there, I struggle staying in that place without trying to find a solution.  But a wise friend of mine said “I don’t know if now is a time that can feel other than a struggle.”  And yes, but ouch.

So, I’m leaning into that feeling of struggle and discomfort, and I really really really REALLY hope my white friends are too – especially those of you that aren’t feeling anything or are feeling pity or some type of sympathy that keeps you from placing yourself directly in the seat of culpability. 

In my experience, the best place to begin a difficult conversation is to own your share of the responsibility, so I’m going to name my white privilege.  It’s something I’ve been thinking about a lot lately (and in fact, for a number of years), but instead of staying on the areas that are somewhat outside of my control (which is debatable, I know), areas like family of origin, childhood 

experiences, etc., I’m going to name the privileges I’ve knowingly taken advantage of as an adult.

1    I chose to live in a neighborhood in a suburb with access to high quality public schools.  My husband and I considered many different locations to purchase a home, but the #1 factor was that our kids would go to a “good public school.”  We actively moved to a community that was already affluent enough to support high quality schools, therefore removing our tax revenues from areas that could have benefitted from it, and we did all of this without any concern about being welcomed into the neighborhood we chose.  Our neighborhood is primarily caucasian, and we knew that moving in, and this did not deter us from moving in.

      I chose and was accepted into a high quality private college which was overwhelmingly Caucasian not by my merits (I was never a great student), but because of my family and because of my family’s wealth.

      I shop at stores and eat at restaurants that will prioritize me and my money over others because of my race.  I am not looked at suspiciously when I enter a store, even if I’m wearing sweatpants and a sweatshirt and my hair is a mess and I’m carrying a big bag.

      When I’ve applied for a job, I’ve never had to tweak my resume or application to hide parts of my cultural identity (i.e. changing my name or address to appear more white).

      I don’t have to alter how I communicate (minus less swearing) dependent upon who is around me and where I am.

      I’ve been pulled over or questioned by the police on numerous occasions, even when I’m clearly at fault of breaking the law, and have never feared for my life – in fact, funny story: in my younger days, a friend and I stole a gigantic toilet paper roll from a bar and were walking home and got pulled over by two Chicago police officers.  They hit on us, drove us in their cop car to the El, escorted us through the station (we didn’t pay), and got us on the train. They called us to make sure we got home safe.

     When I’ve been in neighborhoods with high crime, I have known the power of my race and felt secure since I could call the cops and they would listen and attend to my needs.

      I’ve never had to ask permission to take off for a religious holiday that was not celebrated by the majority of my coworkers. 

      I’m rarely the only white person in the room.

      I was able to lean on my family and some government supports in order to purchase my first home.  Had no trouble getting approved for a loan.  Have set myself up for a healthy financial future from an early age and will reap the benefits of home ownership for the rest of my life.

There are seriously so many more examples – and ones that are even more painful than what I’ve listed above, but I think this is a starting point.  And leaning into this struggle is where I am right now.  The next step is more confusing for me, but I own these above and now I need to figure out what to do with these privileges.  Do I throw them out?  Do I try to translate them into something that actually utilizes the privilege to amplify the voices who have been underprivileged?  That’s where I’m stuck.

But, if you are a white person reading this, please please please start doing some soul searching.  We are what happened in Charlottesville.  And we have to start cleaning up our mess.  And it starts with cleaning up ourselves and naming it – just like our fearless leader couldn’t do.  Because once it’s named, it’s real and then we know there’s a starting place.

White supremacy is a cancer to this country.  And white privilege is something that feeds this cancer and helps the cells duplicate.  

Christmas Comes Early

                                          *Photo Credit: Google Image Search

It’s been a minute since my last post.  I’ve not found anything really noteworthy to say.  Mostly each day is filled with some new revelation about the president-elect/country/humanity that has rendered me physically ill, and I find myself searching for a way to block out what I’m hearing.  I’m debating quitting social media.  Despite a few attempts at engaging folks who disagree with me in a dialogue, those who I know voted for Trump have mostly returned to business as usual – posting about recipes and pets, while a few truly unkind few (who are mostly folks who consider themselves Christian) continue to post and like hateful articles that basically poke fun at the pain the “libtards” are feeling.

Meanwhile, a jury of 12 individuals (only one person of color included in the mix), could not come to an agreement to convict Michael Slager of manslaughter as he shot Walter Scott 8 times in 2.7 seconds as he ran away.  8 times.  In the back.  As he ran away.

I think my hope/faith in humanity has never ever been lower.

But.

I noticed something, at least in my neighborhood.

My neighborhood is very blue collar.  Folks who live around me have either lived there for the entirety of their lives or moved out of the city when they could no longer afford city prices.  Many are police officers, electricians, teachers.  It’s a really fascinating mix of ages and ethnicities.  “Proud Union Home” signs are all over the place.  My elderly neighbors across the street were Polish immigrants who met in a concentration camp and prior to her death, the woman would bring over sweets on regular occasions.  Her husband also bestowed upon me one of the most profound theological insights of my life ( http://reachingacrossthechaos.blogspot.com/2015/07/in-our-place.html)  My other elderly neighbor is a retired shoe salesman who drops off coupons for diapers every week.  It’s a community that doesn’t have a lot of frills, but one that pays attention.  It’s a community that many would drive through without noticing, except for around the holidays.

My neighborhood is the kind of neighborhood that more houses than not have inflatables outside their home at any given moment.  Halloween? Giant ghosts and ghouls wave in the wind.  Thanksgiving?  Turkeys 10 times the size of any I’ve ever seen are on all the yards.  Christmas?  Don’t even get me started.  Initially, I thought it was ridiculous that so many people fell into the trap of buying these crazy decorations (and so many people have the exact same decorations purchased at the exact same Ace Hardware down the street).  But then I had kids.  And I totally get it.  Watching my kids react to these decorations and the holidays in general is one of the best experiences of my life.  Their eyes light up with wonder.  Their bodies shake with excitement.  It is a joy to behold.

A couple days after the election, I started to notice a shift in my neighborhood.  Sure, the Thanksgiving décor was around, but I started to see Christmas trees placed in prominent front windows.  I first thought it might just be a few die-hard early Christmas decorators, but then I realized that there were more than a handful of houses that had also decorated their exteriors.  And they were houses that weren’t the ones on my normal list of early risers.  It was clear, to me at least, that folks needed something the shine a little light – a little earlier than normal.

Whether these folks in my neighborhood were decorating their homes early for Christmas for themselves, for their kids, or because the weather was a little nicer this year, I’ll never know for sure.  But what I do know is that this gift of a little extra light and joy is exactly what I need right now.  All the “Advent purists” need not remind me what season we are in, trust me, I know all about longing right now.  But I also need the promise that there is light somewhere, because it’s damn hard to see right now.

I hope that you are able to find some light in the world right now too.

 

“When it is dark enough, you can see the stars.” – Ralph Waldo Emerson

What's the Big Deal About Steve Bannon?

                                            *Photo Credit: Google Image Search

Yesterday, I spent my commute home calling my elected representatives to encourage them to strongly oppose the recent appointment of Steve Bannon to the position of Chief Strategist  and Senior Counselor for President-Elect Trump (to find your elected officials and their contact info, check this out: www.commoncause.org/take-action/find-elected-officials/).  While I bumbled through my awkward complaint/encouragement, I realized I was having a hard time articulating why the appointment of this man was so terrifying to me.  Which most times, when that happens, it means that I need to do some more work on supporting my feelings rather than reacting in an emotional manner (not saying an emotional reaction is not warranted and should not be respected, but that for me, I need to be more equipped to express myself). 

Additionally, I’ve heard very few conservative folks speak out in opposition to Bannon’s appointment, which makes me think they are not aware of the brevity of this appointment or they do not know Bannon’s history.  So, readers, I thought I’d take a moment to outline some of the reasons I (and many other folks are FREAKING OUT about this appointment):

-Bannon is executive chairman of Breitbart News LLC and through his leadership, moved the already radical “news” outlet into the alt-right territory.  He himself declared the website “the platform for the alt-right.”  Some greatest hit articles include: Would you rather your child had feminism or cancer?; There’s no hiring bias against women in tech, they just suck at interviews, Gay rights have made us dumber, it’s time to get back inthe closet, and Birth control makes women unattractive and crazy.

-Bannon was charged with misdemeanor domestic violence, battery, and dissuading a witness in 1996 following an accusation of his first wife Mary Louise Piccard.  Police were called to their home where they photographed red marks on her neck and wrists as well as a broken telephone

(http://www.politico.com/f/?id=00000156-c3f8-dd14-abfe-fbfbbe310001).  His wife also accused him of anti-semitism.  Charges were dropped when his wife did not show up to court, which if ANYONE tries to convince me isn’t a flat out confirmation that that woman was scared for her life, I will remind you that victim blaming is the norm for any type of domestic abuse claim and she was incredibly brave for saying anything.  I hope that woman has found peace and safety.

-Bannon was known by his employees at Breitbart for being “a vindictive, nasty figure, infamous for verbally abusing supposed friends and threatening enemies."

-Bannon admitted to and was found guilty of threatening employees at Space Biospheres Ventures.  “He told Pinal County jurors that after Abigail Alling wrote a five-page safety memo, he once threatened to “Ram it down her fucking throat.”  Bannon also admitted calling her a “bimbo” and referring to her as “self-centered and deluded.” 

-“That’s why there are some unintended consequences of the women’s liberation movement,” he said, according to BuzzFeed. “That, in fact, the women that would lead this country would be pro-family, they would have husbands, they would love their children. They wouldn’t be a bunch of dykes that came from the Seven Sisters schools up in New England. That drives the left insane and that’s why they hate these women.” (Political Vindication Radio, 2011)

To be perfectly honest, I’m too tired/disgusted to do much more digging, but if you can’t see how these are deeply alarming things to have on the resume of a White House Senior Counselor, please let me know some redeemining qualities that can trump these.  And if you agree they are abhorrent (which I would venture to say most people do, even those who voted for Trump), say something!  A Trump supporter who speaks out about his cabinet has a much louder voice than mine right now.  We need you!!

What I'm Hearing Now

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In trying to remain true to my word, this past weekend, I completed the arduous task of going through my facebook friends and refollowing those I had intentionally unfollowed due to their political posts that I had disagreed with.  To be perfectly honest, this was painful.  And while I don’t derive a great deal of pleasure from social media anymore in general, this made the experience of scrolling through my feed quite uncomfortable.  But, I have committed to live into this discomfort and I made an effort to really read what was being shared or liked, and here is what I’ve learned:

People who voted for Trump overwhelming appear to have done so because they did not like Hillary and were afraid of what she would do while in office.  Oftentimes, this appeared to have boiled down to abortion.  And to be honest, this rhetoric seems to make sense to me and if more people would openly say this, I think it could help move the conversation forward.  While I am most definitely pro-choice, I can respect that for some people, the deal breaker is abortion.  Voting your conscience on this issue is something I can’t really argue.  The idea of Hillary appointing Supreme Court justices who could tip the scales of the court to lean left was truly terrifying for some people.  I can respect this.  I disagree with it, but I can respect it.  I would encourage folks who voted for Trump for these reasons to speak up.  To remind folks that they voted for a candidate who made them feel safe in regards to issues that are fundamental to who they are as people, as religious folks, etc.  I think that could do a lot to dispel the myth that the majority of folks who voted for Trump did so because they agree with how he speaks.  This would have been the dialogue if any other republican candidate had won, in my opinion.

People who voted for Trump think that the liberal folks are being sore losers and need to get over it.  I’m sure it’s annoying to see people “bellyaching” over this election.  I was in Alabama when Obama was first elected, and I remember thinking to myself “come on, folks, this is not that big of a deal” as well as “you people are ruining it for me!”  It’s a feeling that both sides of the coin have occupied and I am definitely eating crow this time around.  BUT.  People are scared.  People are sad.  People are sick.  You do not get to tell people how they are going to react to something.  As a parent, I have to constantly remind myself to validate my son’s feelings even when I think they are ridiculous.  And yes, they are ridiculous, and sometimes I have to encourage him to move beyond his emotions, but that’s because I’m his parent.  You are not the authority of anyone’s emotions except yourselves (or maybe your toddler children).  If you don’t like how people are reacting, don’t watch.  Remove yourself from the equation.  Engage with folks who are responding “appropriately” if you really can’t handle it, but in the interest of unifying a country, I’d encourage you to dig deeper.  Ask someone that appears to be over-reacting why they feel as strongly as they do.  If you provide a safe space to engage this conversation, I’m sure these people will tell you.  For me, I’m terrified for myself, but moreso terrified for my friends who fall into any of the categories that have been under attack throughout Trump’s campaign.  Sure, he may not have done anything yet, but as the great Maya Angelou has said: “When someone shows you who they are, believe them the first time.”  Trump has a lot of work to do in regards to undoing that impression – and while there have been glimmers of hope since last Tuesday, there have also been some terrifying validations (i.e. appointing a white supremacist as his chief strategist).

People who voted for Trump believe that the millennial generation is weak and entitled – the precious snowflake generation.  The idea of college aged kids needing to take time off or requesting safe spaces on campus following the election being the #1 point to confirm this.  Now, I have to tell you, this dialogue and this pejorative description of my generation is really really annoying.  Since most people who are making this claim about the generation are baby boomers, let me ask you to read this article: http://www.huffingtonpost.com/gene-marks/this-is-why-the-baby-boom_b_4441735.html. If you’re not willing to, I get it, it is really offensive to have your generation categorized in a negative way.  So, hear me when I say – your feelings about this generation are doing NOTHING to help the situation.  And, in all honesty, many of the people sharing these articles or making these claims are the very ones who raised the millennials and shaped their worldviews.  So, let’s remind ourselves again that in the interest of unity, making fun of or disrespecting an entire generation of people is not moving that forward. But let me also speak to this “precious snowflake” stuff.  I used to hate the term, but now I love it.  Why?  Because I think that is the most wonderful way to look at the world.  I was given the message over and over again in my life that I am special and unique and valued and worthy of respect.  This message came to me from my parents, my friends, my extended family, my school, and my church.  I would say that I absolutely believe I am a precious snowflake.  But the beautiful thing is – I see everyone else as one too.  That, my friends, is why this election is so painful to my generation.   We have been raised to be empathetic and so watching our friends and family members feel pain and fear and sadness has made us realize that they have been made to not feel precious.  And it has profoundly shaken our worldview.

I’ll continue to live into this conversation, and would also welcome additional conversation about any and all of these.  I’m ready to listen if you are too.

How I Helped Elect Donald Trump

Let me premise this by saying that no, I absolutely did not vote for Donald Trump on Tuesday.  And have been pretty vocally opposed to everything he has said/stood for since the beginning.  But it has become abundantly clear to me that I played a role in this catastrophe.  And to be perfectly honest, I think many people are kidding themselves when they say or think they had nothing to do with this.  

Here is where I believe I helped this man become the most powerful man in the world:

Reality TV – Most people who know me know how much I love reality tv.  Beyond the entertainment values that many of my preferred shows offer (Jersey Shore, Teen Mom, Real World, the Bachelorette), I have always found it fascinating to watch normal people caught on tv.  Whether these are truly reality is debatable, but here’s the issue: these shows have created a society which values people who have no real inherent quality that makes them worthy of our deference.  We value these people simply because they have been caught on tv.  Kim Kardashian, for example, has never once done anything to truly warrant the pedestal of worship she holds.  And with that pedestal of millions of followers and worshipers comes great responsibility.  Responsibility I do not believe she has earned or deserves or really knows how to handle.  Donald Trump is obviously another prime example.  The media fell in love with him – and then the world.  He was given a platform to entice and influence the world that I fully believe he did not deserve.  Donald was on tv constantly and at no cost to himself  because he was entertaining, whereas Hillary appeared very rarely and had to pay for advertisements.  We enabled this because we were entertained by him.  Who does deserve these types of platforms?  I’m still working on that, but I will tell you, reality television has fundamentally changed the value system of our country.

My response – I will no longer watch ANY reality tv.  None.  This is actually going to be quite difficult for me.  But I will no longer consume media that has facilitated a rise to power of people who are entertaining with no real further qualities.  We as a society MUST move back to a place that finds entertainment elsewhere.

Biting My Tongue – I was starting to think that with my age came the wisdom to know when to speak and when to let things pass.  I’d see or hear people saying things that were inappropriate – racist, sexist, ignorant, or just plain wrong – and I’d oftentimes excuse it for the cause of keeping the peace.  By not engaging in conversation or calling people out on things that are flat out wrong, not only have I done a huge disservice to those who are functioning with incorrect or inappropriate views, but I’ve done a huge disservice to myself.  By not engaging, I never fully developed the skills to articulate these views or statements to those who disagree with me.  Sure, I could say my piece to people who agree, but that doesn’t matter.   Donald Trump built upon this quality of society – he “told it like it is” for those who felt they could not say how they really felt, and white liberal heterosexual cisgender people like myself bit their tongues.

My response – I will no longer bite my tongue.  Just like they say at the airport: “See something.  Say something.”  If I hear people saying racist, misogynist, sexist, homophobic, or really anything that can be considered hate speech, I am committed to speaking up.  It is clear that folks who used to keep their awful perspectives on other people to themselves have been emboldened to come out of the gutters.  In some ways, we are now able to see the true problems our country has to address, but I will not stand by and I will not be quiet.  Readers be warned: if I see you commenting or liking things on facebook that can fall into any of the qualities listed above, I will be saying something.

Shutting Off People who I think have deplorable worldviews or values – On the other end of the spectrum, I’ve done a great job of surrounding myself with people who agree with me.  My family and friend network is built up of people who agree with me almost completely on issues I find to be of highest importance.  Scrolling my facebook feed shows articles and statements that pleasantly support and encourage my worldviews.  On the rare occasion that I see something that disagrees with me, I unfollow or unfriend the person.  Or if I’m out with a friend of a friend or hear something that offends me, I make a point to avoid that person moving forward.  I write them off.  By doing this, I was able to come to the conclusion that most of the world agrees with me – that I don’t need to do anything because there isn’t a problem.   As someone who has done work to acknowledge my privilege, I failed here.  Had I kept my finger on the pulse of what “others” were thinking or saying, I would have been more aware of the incredible problem facing our country.

My response – No more.  I will not shut down or ignore differing views.  I will engage.  My preferred way to do this is in person, because social media is garbage for actually encouraging dialogue.  But, I will not turn away.  I will look directly into the eye of the beast so I am more aware of what I need to do and what is at stake.

I have work to do because I am part of the problem.  I am a white woman.  Did you see the numbers of us who voted for Donald?  It’s time to stop pointing our fingers at others and looking at ourselves.  We cannot change or control other people, but we can change and control ourselves.  Be the change you wish to see.