Monday, August 30, 2010

The Good Life?

So, once again, it's been a while since I've posted. If any of you are still reading this, I thank you and wonder about you at the same time. I'm hoping that I'll feel inspired some time soon...

Right now, things are good in my life. Really good. A little too good.

I wake up in the morning and find myself smiling, but then gripped with fear because I am just CONVINCED something bad is going to happen. But then it doesn't. But I know it will. Someday.

Why is it that we (or maybe just me) can never be content with our reality...let along HAPPY with our existence? I find myself floating around the world assuming the worst, and for some reason, I find myself in the best. And I don't think I deserve it.

But what does that mean?

I have a huge problem with people who say that bad things happen to a person because they deserve it, but when it comes to good things, why can't I acknowledge that sometimes, good things happen to people even if they don't deserve it? Karma, yes it answers many questions for many people, does not seem to hold ground when it comes to the good things that happen in life.

Or really, the bad.

About a week ago, a young man named Eric Obermann died. He was 28. He died of ALS (Lou Gehrig's disease). He had early signs of the disease at age 18. I had the opportunity to visit with Eric during my internship in Alabama last year. As I drove up the mountain to meet with Eric, I prepared myself for the fact that this man would very likely put my faith in a loving God to the test. As I sat with him, sometimes reading to him, but most of the time sitting in quiet, more than anything, I prayed that there was a God who could hear both Eric and my prayers.

Eric changed my life. I was supposed to go up that mountain to provide some type of counsel to this man, but he counseled me. Through no words, he showed me that a life of fear is one that is selfish, one that is faithless, and one that is useless. Eric's strength and courage in the face of such a terrible disease showed me that my lack of faith and lack of courage was laughable.

Neither of us deserve what we have, or what we got.

So what do we do with that? How can we live in a world where bad things happen to good people and vice versa? Well, I'm not sure I know the answer. All I know is that I thank God for the fact that I cannot see the future. For if I could, how could I trust in anything? Anything besides pain and misery?

For now, I live in hope. I don't know the future. I just hope that there is a God that holds everything close. That listens. That watches and waits. I hope because I cannot know. I hope because the future is unknown.

For more information about Eric, read his testimony here:
http://www.alsa.org/policy/article.cfm?id=661

1 comments:

Nicole said...

Thank you, Rachel.
I just came across your blog - I'm having a particularly "crummy" day and was completely encouraged by you, by Eric (R.I.P.), and by our amazing God who KNOWS WHAT you need and WHEN.
Thank you for publishing/posting your faithful experiences!

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